Thursday, December 30, 2010

Im so sure of you, I would actually bet on you.

Recap of 2010!;
)- 17th birthday with my ex. kinda weird experience with the family none-the-least.
)- experiencing a true valentines day. while watching valentines day the movie! ha:)
)- Dealing with the after math drama of the sam dance problem.
)- Meeting and going to my favorite church of the world<3 thinking it was magical.
)- Being nervous but loving every second with ryan.
)-Nevershoutnever! concert, texting him through it all.
)- steps and things I never thought I'd go through with him. I dont regret it. "not wrong person, wrong time."
)- Jesse and kristen hang out moments. OH GOD! bahaha;)
)- combine birthday with beca. 'surprise'. and spend the night at their house. [[2 wall taps means I love you.]]
)- last day of school. Mr. mosses room. motor boating whaaa? xD
)- Going to florida. 2 TIMES.!
)- having in depth conversations about hunting with michael. ahaha!
)- parent issues :/
)- Falling in and out of love
)- realizing who my true friends are. and how much they'll defend me. Even when its hard.
)- Started this blog of my life :)
)- Kalei. Alex. Me. love triangle? I still want other. ha!
)- Creepy stalker boys. freak.me.out!
)-SNOW TUBING!
)- Becoming little and tan, heck yes(:
)- Finding out I can seriously hate people. Truthfully.
)- realizing people aren't always who you think they are.
)- loving poetry, drawing, music are my soul.
)- trying to learn guitar.
)- let my guards down, go twice up as fast.
)- John and mom, HATRED! :((
)- Mom saying its not the end of me and him.
)- Kristen-Bestfran, ever!

Im not going to lie, 2010 for me was ryan year, as you notice. I was tied to his hip as he was tied to mine. I loved the kid. but you know what? sometimes thats not good enough. you do things you regret. and you cant mend it. I know I talk about it too much. but I call it the girl in me when she deals with her first really bad breakup with a guy she dated for a year, but has like for two. it sucks. and I believe if I could go back and change somethings. I would have just breathed more. Realize this is highschool! but that I would have memorized in detail more of my memories.
I also realize how much my friends mean to me. seriously, without them, I would not be here. I would have gave up so long ago. I know I get bi-polar, and bitchy. but they go through it with me, they listen to me and actually care when I cant bare to get up off my butt. I love them more than they can ever comprehend. <3

2011 will be epic! Im so sure of it, im actually excited.<3

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry christ MAS !

I can honestly say I have not a inkling why it says 123 cm's at the bottom..
ignore that little tid bit!

and have a...

Beautiful
C H R I S T M A S !
-

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Your crawling on your last chance baby.

Lately I have been reading this lovely little blog called How not to fall in love..
Very helpful? Beyond words.:)

Well it makes me think of how my last relationship made me lose slightly most of my values or hopes so to speak. Made me start to look more on the outside than the inside. In the beginning it wasn't like this, but for some reason a gut feeling the whole time I was losing myself.
^summary for that little rant; listen to your gut feeling!

ANYWAYS! I'm actually going to try and figure out what I need and dont.
Yes, I believe you should keep your standards up and not settle (:

I Need;
1) [and the most important] I need someone I can talk too, through the awful and good. That will care what I say, but knows I will care for what they say too.
2) I need a man. not a little 4 year old
^thats pretty explanatory. 
3) I want a slightly aggressive guy..not anywhere like abusive, I just mean where they will stand up for what they believe in.
4) someone that keeps promises. Wont say something then not do it or wait till its 'convenient'
not gunna happen.
5) Say what he means, not lying even if its to please someone. Always honest.
6) [to me this ties with 1..] no cheaters, players, just someone loyal. I know everyone makes mistakes, same instance I know if you care enough, it won't happen. I know somewhere out there there are guys loyal enough (no Ryan's)
7) Sweet, doesn't think giving a girl a rose or stuffed animal is the end of the world.
duh.!
8) Except me..for me. Not your ex. not as a toy. not sexual. not for anything. but just liking me enough to get to know me.


DONT!;
-NO DRUGGIES! or drinkers. if you start, your most likely never going to quit. 
-again..no cheaters! damnnn.! its like that paramore song
"once a whore, you're nothing more.
sorry that will never change."
- No one immature. I have had enough of that to last the rest of my life. Im good. kaythanks(:
-mama boys..I'm sorry, I love that you love your mom..but it gets a little out of hands sometimes.
-I honestly haven't had this, but I hope to god I wont:) the guys that care about the looks more than you do. weird.
------------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe it's just me, but thats not much to ask. and Its not 
physical. It's pure personality. :)
-shea<3

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Fresh as a new scent, roaring as a lion

Quiz time? Heck yes!:)
If you could change anything in the world..what would it be?
-right now?
the need of people 'needing' to put others down. its slightly sick and wrong. and were all guilty of this.

What color is your nails right now?
-

Who's someone you wish relationship wise you could fix?
-Some of my friends..I have been taking everything out on them, and have beyond pissed off most. 
Just over one boy...

What do you want for Christmas?
-CAREBEAR!

Hows your love life going?
-Im dating this kid named Alex, and I have no clue how to explain it besides that were helping each other with our past relationship.
Not healthy? no, but good helping? yes.

Whats your life moto?
Whats your favorite food?
-I could die off of chicken param. Italian. Oh.Dear.Heavens.ABOVE !
Did I mention peach cobbler..
mmm country girls do love cobbler..

Whats your new accessory?
-Have you ever seen those bow clips people put in their hair, even though it looks no where near like a real flower?
Yeah, love<3 it.

I want a dirty secret
-Oh you do ey?
^^ This game is the shit. please allow yourself a game of it!
I've secretly been raping this game like no ones buuuuidsnessss.
;)

Whats something you wish you could take back?
-Well, before it was dating a friends guy, but now I realize shes talking to my ex, so no more hard feelings I guess. Turns out a whole lot of things I thought were facts, or mega lies. but thats life. tooaloo.
-shea<3

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Car Crash!

I might as well tell the truth..
This has epically been the weirdest and longest day in my whole 16 years.
and I do not lie.
sometimes..
But besides that point, it started off pretty relaxing. 2 o-clockish I went to my moms work party and had old men creeping on me..
aint no thang'.
had freaking awesome red velevet cake. mhmmm
then went home got my car then went to pick kristen up to go to walmart in what I call the 'ghetto town next door' sketch right? 
well after doing out business and she got me lovely key necklace
we went to go pick lauren at the basketball game in our town, she needed chapstick so we went to ingles.
little catch-up here.
Ryan- the now ex boyfriend works there
Did I mention he hates me now? Well yes, yes he does. Obviously this is how he handles all of his breakups.
Well she went in to get her chapstick and me and kristen stayed in the car. well he must have been getting off work and went to get gas, he randomly pulls back around the front since I guess he forgot something
............
he prances inside..wtf?
 Lauren comes back out and I wanted to hurry to the stop sign to get out before he swurved around. He jumped in his truck and ran too. well he for somereason cuts left quick and runs
Almost.right.into.me.
Not only did I freak out for our lives and had to screech my breaks, while kristens flicking him off. I roll down my window literally screaming at him. what in the world was he trying to kill us?!
he then pulls around and starts talking about how he didn't 'see' us and talking about have we seen black ice lately...
really ryan..
thats all you could come up with?

Boys. Are. Stupid.
There is your stupid petty teenage drama fix for the day folks ;)

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Bites the dust? WHAT!

What I wouldnt give for more days of these(:
I adore how you can pin point us easily
This week has been beyond crazy. and I mean that it the exact sense.
honestly, lets not re-live it. Me and kristen. GOD! thank you for getting us out of that house. quick. !
This week will be magical.<3

Friends moms wedding is this Friday, so precious.
Saterday friends birthday. (please lord be with us.)
Oh did I mention that its wednesday and no ones been in school.
NOONE. yeah. 6 inches of snow does that to schools.
AH! its time to go back!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

I have really realized now more than anything in my life is I need respect for myself.
Ive never really put myself first. Ive always hid behind someone else to cover myself from anything.
I think women of today are nervous maybe too not let themselves be known because they are scared to know what others really think of them.
My question is..
Why do we care so damn much of what others think?

Why cant we just be ourselves!
I dont think it would be that hard if we all would just lighten up and be happy.

Heck last night I went on a date with my new man! and it was great, and afterwards we still went out and had fun.

Lifes not about expecting. its about believing. 

Thursday, December 9, 2010

So the MIA thing is over..dun dun..for now

I think I've been beyond MIA lately..
Ive been sorting out my heart, mind, and all that lovely junk.
For some reason me and ryan breaking up lead to a lot of good and bad things..
I really do realize that love comes and goes even when your young and that you can be easily infatuated with someone.
Oh, and also that I'll always miss him :/ but I cant make someone love me.

I sort of had another brief depression after it all that lasted about a month, 
and I have this other guy thats helping me. and I dont want him to end up being the rebound. but I do like him. I just feel like even through it all Im betraying ryan. and I know you should move on and just live your life. But high school is drama.
CITY.

My friend lauren gave me the best advice EVER.;
"He'll realize one day on what he's missing out. untill then live up YOUR life!"
- words from a wise freshman:p

I know Im just 16, but it feels like im 25 going through a divorce.
for petes sake we share a cat. so now there is like..child custody. 

ugh:/

I really do love my friends for being there with me through it all..
I love<3 you guys