my life spelled out short

So one day we all decided to make our life story in cutesy little short stories.
Heres mine:)
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Shamberly Shea .... was born April 17th, 1994. chubby little baby with mohawk hair. had a loving dad, and amazing mom. part of a ridiculously crazy family. grew up and started kindergarten meeting her best friend, who gave her a tarzan card. she loved her life and was a little thing till the end of 4th and then she started getting chubby and had glasses. She loved recess and had the biggest crush on a boy. she started being friends with a backstabber at first, who later in the future completely changed. she was a follower of the backstabber through 5th and 6th grade. and caused on hell on her. she used her crush against her. 7th grade started and she got in JB. 


and smart classes and started feeling proud of herself. During this time though her home life was deep hell. her dad turned bad, and her mom was falling apart. not only that but her biggest role model and home friend was dying of cancer before her eyes. she was heartbroken, made fun of for her weight(she was only chubby) and losing everyone in front of her. she saved her mom. and her dad eventually left after the "final straw" she didnt understand herself at all and she craved for the younger days. 8th grade was the turning year. and made everything a difference. she lost a tinsy bit of her awkwardness and wanted to make this year count. she meet her first real love even at a young age. she fell for this boy even though he deceived her for so long. 


he moved back right after school. she was crushed and for exactly a year went under such a deep depression she couldnt see the way out. she meet some blairsville 19 year old guys that helped her out of her spell alittle. she was only 13-14 at this time. she loved the attention. her kindergarten best friend meet a boy she shortly fell for also summer of 8th. they were drowning together. she meet amazing long lasting friends in 8th. in 9th she had gotten back into her shell. everything she had worked for in 8th was crushed by the boy she fell for. eventually however a new boy came in town, and she automatically started rising from the depths. his brother and him were from florida. and he was different from the rest. she thought she could relate. but she felt as if she was never enough.


summer of 9th she got a job at the theater. and she determined 10th grade would be kick-ass. she would make it HER year. she was determined to lose all of her weight and become what she wanted to be. she made great lasting friends at her work. one day while worrying over the internet over 2years ago of her first love she met a new guy. she ended up liking him. but she thought more of it than she really felt. they lasted a month until it ended. new boy from 9th she thought had turned wrong and was awful now for what he had become.


her story didn't end there. by the time school started she had lost 20 pounds, and looked and felt better. she loved this year. and she met a guy named twinkie who everyone loved. she eventually went out with new boy. he had fixed his error and she really never lost feeling for him. she was just hurt by his actions. they to this day have almost been dating a year. he asked her out on winterformal. and its been a rollercoaster ever since.


How everything turned out?--
I have the best friends ever. parents are seperated. dads a whore/druggy. boyfriend is..different. and drama is a everlasting part of my life.


......short story?
not so much;)

New Images arent always seen.

If I could take back some of the crap Ive done..

I would.

If I could take back some of the thins Ive said..

I would.

If I could take back some of the awful memories I have..

I would.

If I could take back some of the hatred..

I would.

If I could become some of the old me..

I would.

If I could make you believe that if you just had tried a little bit harder..

I would have been yours.

If I could had have someone believe in me for me..

My life would be so much different.

If I would have thought before I act..

Maybe I wouldnt feel so bad.

If I would have just took that leap that night..

Maybe I wouldnt feel a missing gap.

If I would just have kept my mouth shut..

Maybe I wouldnt have gotten myself in such a mess.

If I wouldnt have let him abuse me..

Maybe I wouldnt have so many not-seen scars.

If I wouldnt them confuse me..

Maybe they wouldnt have hurt me.

If I wouldnt have been me..

Well..

Then I wouldnt have made it out Alive.

............

New changes in store(:

Im a jerk, because I dont let people walk all over me.

Im a coward because I dont let my guards down easy.

Im stupid because Im too gullible.

Im smart because I think before I leap

Im slow because I cant make a decision.

Im pretty because I wear a lot of makeup.

Im fat because Im not a size 2.

Im fun because I take risks

Im mellow because I wont talk shit.

I have a bad mouth because I make a point.

Im ignorant because I do it.

I raise eyebrows because im different

No one sees me because im shy.

I lie because Im nervous

I tell the truth to see who believes it.

This..

is 

ME.

IloveRyan.

Ilovemyfriends.

Ilovemyfamily

IloveGod.

Ievenlovemykitty.hah;D

This..is the start of something quite beautiful.

I can feel it :)

Thoughts spin right down

day 30- your favorite song

this is the last question..sad day:(

my favorite song changes day by day. and a song I think ill love forever I end up forgetting about it, hah.

so right now Im thinking of Paramore, Emergency.

or Mayday Parade, Jersey.

^yeah, definitely Jersey.

and even Boys like girls >Thunder, or hero/heroine

and jumpsuit apparatus your guardian angel.

yeahhh jersey and your guardian angel is the beast.

see, it changes. quite a lot.

A shout out to all the baby mamas out there,

you guys have it hard. 

Great job though :)

The leafs are changing, the world is moving

day 29- in this past month, what have you learned?

In the past month Ive definitely learned a few things I wish I had learned a while before. well lets just say re- rembered.

-that each second is worth living. not one day of the week. not weekends.every.single.day.

-that nobody, absolutely no body. deserves to be hurt. or said something insensitive about them. no matter if their your worst enemy.

it comes back and bites your karma.

If you could have one wish what would you do?

day 28- a picture of you from last year and now, how have you changed since then?

Ohkay, so when you see the before, please dont over to your side of the computer laugh. I was a ugly kid.

BEFORE:

NOW:

yeahhh..theres a difference:p

I went from 145lbs. to 108lbs..

went from wearing no makeup. to a lot.

went from dirty blonde to blonde blonde

went to wearing frigged up clothes, to pretty ones.

went from being timid, to being myself.:)

ANDDD to catch up last post decisions a bit..

I made my decision! and Im going to stick by it even if it hurts.

like a B*&# -mofo

Ive made so many mistakes. But NO MORE.

New, fresh start.

just what I needed(:

Wish time!

I want,

no, scratch that. 

NEED you bad!

That is all:)

Like a lollipop

"You grieve at the level you loved"

.......................................................

Have you ever loved someone so much..you could barely breath around them? (not referencing Rhianna and Eminems song;) Could be a family member, girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, friend. anyone? to where when you lose them its absoutly devastating? you know that whole feeling while its happening. your losing bits of yourself because its like the section of your heart that they were in its literally tearing out.

Sounds slightly dramatic I know..But thats what Im feeling right now. but I havent lost anyone..yet. 

two decisions; one choice.

High school stupidity, sure bet. But does that mean that we have just as less difficult as anyone else? Definitely not. We are protected more. Same instance though theres stress some do not have to deal with on a daily bases. And granted theirs a lot we dont go through yet. but we will soon.

^sorry, little rant above:)

^My little freshman :)

Bury me in a bed of roses

day 27- why are you doing this 30 day challenge?

Pretty much to try and get to know me better. lately all it seems like is that ive been losing myself.

Honet to god. im tired of this shit.

This song right here is beautiful. it explains life in itself. take a look

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song 
oh oh oh oh 

Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She'll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no 
ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well 
I’ve had just enough time

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song 

The sharp knife of a short life, well 
I’ve had just enough time

And I’ll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I’ve never known the lovin' of a man 
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand
There’s a boy here in town says he’ll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

The sharp knife of a short life, well 
I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls
What I never did is done
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com 

A penny for my thoughts, oh no I’ll sell them for a dollar 
They're worth so much more after I’m a goner
And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’ 
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin’

If I die young bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song 
oh oh 


The ballad of a dove 
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep ‘em in your pocket
Save them for a time when your really gonna need 'em oh

The sharp knife of a short life, well 
I’ve had just enough time

So put on your best boys and I’ll wear my pearls

<3

Lord all I can ask of you is please help me make the right decision thats coming up.

I cannot go through this all alone. I need you.