Body Shots

"But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
And it's 2am and I'm cursing your name
You're so in love that you act insane
And that's the way I loved you
Breakin' down and coming undone
It's a roller coaster kinda rush
And I never knew I could feel that much
And that's the way I loved you"

So Im going to marry Taylor swift. suriously.

Theres this boy..and he sort of lets me feel like myself, he serenades me country songs, he gets dirty (not horny way), but he is sorta rocking my world..

and its scaring me shitless.

Im so not ready for another 'ryan' anytime soon, or anything near that, so what do I do? Because when I still see him whoring around with literally every girl he sees (no joke) and treats me like im some dust in the wind. this boy is stepping up. but I look at ryan and know without a doubt. hes it. the guy I want. the guy I need. but I shouldnt need.

Sorry, since I consider this my 'diary' Im letting it rolllll!

did anyone else have one boy that changed them whole-heartedly?

because I would love to hear how it effected you.

"Doing shots at the bar, body shots at the bar, my girls wanna try it, so were drinking like rockstars."

Im so sure of you, I would actually bet on you.

Recap of 2010!;

)- 17th birthday with my ex. kinda weird experience with the family none-the-least.

)- experiencing a true valentines day. while watching valentines day the movie! ha:)

)- Dealing with the after math drama of the sam dance problem.

)- Meeting and going to my favorite church of the world<3 thinking it was magical.

)- Being nervous but loving every second with ryan.

)-Nevershoutnever! concert, texting him through it all.

)- steps and things I never thought I'd go through with him. I dont regret it. "not wrong person, wrong time."

)- Jesse and kristen hang out moments. OH GOD! bahaha;)

)- combine birthday with beca. 'surprise'. and spend the night at their house. [[2 wall taps means I love you.]]

)- last day of school. Mr. mosses room. motor boating whaaa? xD

)- Going to florida. 2 TIMES.!

)- having in depth conversations about hunting with michael. ahaha!

)- parent issues :/

)- Falling in and out of love

)- realizing who my true friends are. and how much they'll defend me. Even when its hard.

)- Started this blog of my life :)

)- Kalei. Alex. Me. love triangle? I still want other. ha!

)- Creepy stalker boys. freak.me.out!

)-SNOW TUBING!

)- Becoming little and tan, heck yes(:

)- Finding out I can seriously hate people. Truthfully.

)- realizing people aren't always who you think they are.

)- loving poetry, drawing, music are my soul.

)- trying to learn guitar.

)- let my guards down, go twice up as fast.

)- John and mom, HATRED! :((

)- Mom saying its not the end of me and him.

)- Kristen-Bestfran, ever!

Im not going to lie, 2010 for me was ryan year, as you notice. I was tied to his hip as he was tied to mine. I loved the kid. but you know what? sometimes thats not good enough. you do things you regret. and you cant mend it. I know I talk about it too much. but I call it the girl in me when she deals with her first really bad breakup with a guy she dated for a year, but has like for two. it sucks. and I believe if I could go back and change somethings. I would have just breathed more. Realize this is highschool! but that I would have memorized in detail more of my memories.

I also realize how much my friends mean to me. seriously, without them, I would not be here. I would have gave up so long ago. I know I get bi-polar, and bitchy. but they go through it with me, they listen to me and actually care when I cant bare to get up off my butt. I love them more than they can ever comprehend. <3

2011 will be epic! Im so sure of it, im actually excited.<3